But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
