i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
