this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
