Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
