I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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