i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
