were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
