it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just invented taco cereal.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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