even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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