Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Say something about gay babies.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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