It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
