She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
