don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
