i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So much Jack, so little girl.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
