Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
