I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
