I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
