I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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