The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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