It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
