You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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