I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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