It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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