if you like me you must not know who I am
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
