make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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