you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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