sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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