I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
