So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
