i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
