I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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