Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
