I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
