i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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