Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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