Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
