would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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