and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
