I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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