At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
