wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
