walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
