I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
