no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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