last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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