I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
