Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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