I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
