You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My ass is underappreciated
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
