I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
