if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
