just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
