yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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